Assistant DOC Commissioner Jolene Rebertus Is Pretty Damned Stupid
Assistant Commissioner Jolene Rebertus has bravely admitted that she does not know what a “man” or “woman” is
In a stunning revelation that has surely shaken the foundations of Minnesota corrections, Assistant Commissioner Jolene Rebertus has bravely admitted that she does not know what a “man” or “woman” is. Yes, you read that correctly. The top brass of the Minnesota Department of Corrections — an agency responsible for managing tens of thousands of human beings behind bars — is apparently stumped by these age-old concepts.
You might think this is a typo, or maybe she just had a rough morning, but no. When asked in a deposition to define “man” and “woman,” Rebertus said, and I quote, “I don’t know what they mean.” And if you were wondering about “husband” or “wife,” fear not: those too are apparently optional, flexible terms. Who knew that marriage could mean whatever you want it to mean? Next thing you know, “traffic light” will be up for debate.
This revelation comes amid a lawsuit over the banning of a Christian prison program that teaches biblical manhood — a course that had been running successfully for more than a decade. Apparently, teaching men to act like, well, men is now considered controversial. The Department’s DEI guidelines frown upon such rigid concepts, and who are we to argue with the wisdom of bureaucracy?
Let’s pause and appreciate the magnitude of this: Minnesota’s corrections system is now on the cutting edge of postmodern philosophy. In one hand, they’re tasked with maintaining order in prisons — you know, where concrete walls, schedules, and rules are kind of important. In the other hand, they’re floating in a cloud of existential ambiguity about the meaning of human identity. Safety, rehabilitation, logic — all secondary to the profound realization that “man” and “woman” might just be social constructs.
And think of the inmates! Who needs consistent rules when you can have fluid definitions? Cell assignments, programming, even basic communication — all now subject to the whims of interpretive gender theory. Nothing says “rehabilitation” quite like existential confusion.
But let’s give credit where it’s due. Rebertus has courage. It takes bravery to look at the two oldest categories in human history and admit, publicly, “No clue.” Truly, a milestone in government service. One can only hope that next, the assistant commissioner will tackle other tricky concepts: numbers, gravity.
In conclusion: Minnesota’s Department of Corrections has achieved what many thought impossible. They’ve elevated indecision about gender to an art form, showing the nation that even in a prison system, reality is optional. Bravo.