Why I’m Throwing My Full Support Behind Omar Fateh for Minneapolis Mayor (Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong?)

Vote Omar Fateh for Mayor. Because, honestly… what’s the worst that could happen? (Don’t answer that.)

Let’s face it: Minneapolis doesn’t need a mayor who fixes problems. It needs a mayor who is the problem—bold, unpredictable, and destined to make your group chat explode with “WTF is happening at City Hall?” memes. Enter Omar Fateh: the chaos candidate this city has been thirsting for!

You think boring competence makes for a good mayor? Absolutely not. They’ve tried that, and it just gave them roads that still look like lunar surfaces and bus schedules written in hieroglyphics.

Omar Fateh is different. He’s got that special blend of ambition and “Are we sure this is legal?” energy that makes politics fun again. Every headline is a cliffhanger. Every decision is a plot twist.

Omar doesn’t believe in old-fashioned ideas like “policy” or “plans.” Instead, he governs by the Rule of Vibes™. Need affordable housing? Manifest it. Crime? Just send positive energy to the streets. Snow plowing? Don’t worry—the universe will handle it.

And public safety? Omar says:

“We don’t need more police—we need more discourse.”

I cried. So brave. So avant-garde.

Forget competence. Forget infrastructure. Forget anything resembling accountability. This isn’t about governing—it’s about branding. And Omar Fateh gets branding. He’ll turn every policy failure into a TikTok dance trend. He’ll rename the city “Minne-Fateh.”

In these uncertain times, the people of Minneapolis need something to believe in. Not stability. Not common sense. But a man who can turn City Hall into a reality show with a Rotten Tomatoes score of 42% and a dedicated subreddit.

Vote Omar Fateh for Mayor. Because, honestly… what’s the worst that could happen? (Don’t answer that.)